NFL Trades Today Deadline Ends With Jets Selling Everything Except MetLife Stadium Parking Spaces
League sources confirm that the NFL trades today deadline looked at Halloween, said “hold my Gatorade,” and turned Tuesday into a blockbuster cosplay of Madden Franchise Mode on Rookie. In a span of hours, contenders raided the pantry, rebuilders auctioned the shelves, and every beat writer’s keyboard learned the phrase “per sources” by heart.
The Jets host a yard sale, sell the porch
- In an afternoon plot twist that made capologists clutch their spreadsheets, New York shipped two-time All‑Pro Sauce Gardner to Indianapolis for two first‑rounders and receiver AD Mitchell. Sauce, now technically a Colt rather than a condiment, will immediately lower opposing completion percentages and raise local jersey-printing GDP.
- Moments later, the Jets also sent Quinnen Williams to Dallas for a 2026 second, a 2027 first, and Mazi Smith, completing the rare “fire sale plus interior reorg” combo platter. New York now owns more future ones than a Silicon Valley startup pitch.
Jerry Jones opens a same day delivery account
- In the NFL Trades Today, Dallas didn’t just add Quinnen; the Cowboys also snagged linebacker Logan Wilson from Cincinnati because nothing says “we’re fixing the run D” like acquiring two very large, very motivated tacklers before dinner. If the defense still can’t tackle, at least the press conference will.
- For anyone wondering how Dallas had the picks to play with: yes, that Micah Parsons blockbuster to Green Bay back in August was real and spectacularly expensive, which makes today’s shopping spree part two of a long, dramatic trilogy.
Pacific Northwest speed run
- Seattle grabbed human go‑route button Rashid Shaheed from the Saints, because apparently the Seahawks decided their offense needed a nitrous boost. Expect at least three “Next Gen Stats” graphics per game and one cornerback per week questioning his life choices.
The Chargers beat the buzzer with duct tape and hope
- With star tackle Joe Alt headed for season‑ending ankle surgery, the Bolts filed the paperwork with seconds to spare for a Trevor Penning depth swing. The plan: give Justin Herbert more than 1.7 seconds to read a defense and sip coffee. CBS logged the last‑second Penning deal; the Alt news is straight from the team.
Even the numbers were theatrical
- By late afternoon, this thing was tracking as a “historic” deadline day, most players moved in‑season in a quarter-century, and a rare multi‑firsts blockbuster in Sauce’s deal. The trade machine didn’t just hum; it sang show tunes.
Winners and “we’ll circle back after the bye”
- Winners: Colts’ secondary marketing department (Sauce sales), Cowboys’ “please stop the run” committee, and every content editor who scheduled two extra push alerts just in case.
- We’ll see: Jets fans, who now hold enough draft capital to build a new stadium out of picks and optimism.
- Losers: The concept of “quiet deadline.” Also, every auto-correct now defaulting “Sauce” to “Colt.”
Final whistle Phones are back on do‑not‑disturb, GMs are pretending they meant to do exactly this all along, and somewhere an intern is tabbing over to the “2026 draft picks we definitely didn’t trade (yet)” spreadsheet. See you in March when the rumor mill adds espresso.
