November 10, 2025
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Zippy Zorbit

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Tom Brady Unveils ‘Perfect’ Clone of Late Dog- Now with 4 Eyes, 2 Tails, and a Side of Existential Dread 01
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Asante Samuel Jr. Announces Retirement from Football to Pursue Career as a Professional Mime in a Post-Apocalyptic Bubble Society
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Manchester United discover the vertical dimension: Liverpool outjumped, outfoxed, and outhoofed

Zippy Zorbit

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Tom Brady Unveils ‘Perfect’ Clone of Late Dog- Now with 4 Eyes, 2 Tails, and a Side of Existential Dread

Zippy Zorbit06 mins

By Zippy Zorbit with Dr. Felix P. Furter, Canine Conspiracy Correspondent TAMPA BAY, FL – In a move that has left scientists baffled, veterinarians horrified, and PETA drafting an emergency press release, legendary quarterback Tom Brady has revealed that he has successfully cloned his late beloved dog, Lua, with some minor upgrades. Speaking exclusively to GMA (or possibly a hallucination induced by…

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Asante Samuel Jr. Announces Retirement from Football to Pursue Career as a Professional Mime in a Post-Apocalyptic Bubble Society

Zippy Zorbit06 mins

By: Zippy Zorbit, Senior Sports Absurdist In a press conference that can only be described as “what the actual hell?”, Los Angeles Chargers cornerback Asante Samuel Jr. dropped the most baffling career pivot since Shaquille O’Neal tried DJing. The 25-year-old defensive back, known for his lockdown coverage and occasional “I swear I saw the ball” interceptions, has officially announced his retirement…

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NFL Trades Today Deadline Ends With Jets Selling Everything Except MetLife Stadium Parking Spaces

Zippy Zorbit05 mins

League sources confirm that the NFL trades today deadline looked at Halloween, said “hold my Gatorade,” and turned Tuesday into a blockbuster cosplay of Madden Franchise Mode on Rookie. In a span of hours, contenders raided the pantry, rebuilders auctioned the shelves, and every beat writer’s keyboard learned the phrase “per sources” by heart. The…

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Manchester United discover the vertical dimension: Liverpool outjumped, outfoxed, and outhoofed

Zippy Zorbit06 mins

The day Anfield briefly became Heathrow and Manchester United landed all the flights Manchester United have discovered a revolutionary tactical concept: up. While Liverpool’s high press hunted passing lanes like truffle pigs, Ruben Amorim simply looked skyward, pointed, and Manchester United obliged by turning Anfield’s famous Kop end into a runway for long-haul deliveries. According…

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Manchester United’s Managerial Merry-Go-Round: Keane and Neville’s Desperate Pitch for Simeone, Because Why Not Add Some Argentine Spice to the Chaos?

Zippy Zorbit06 mins

Old Trafford Scientists Confirm: Club Now Exists in All Possible States of Managerial Crisis Simultaneously MANCHESTER – In a stunning development that has quantum physicists scratching their heads, Manchester United has officially entered what experts are calling a “Schrödinger’s Manager” state, where the club simultaneously has and doesn’t have a manager, needs and doesn’t need…

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The Steven Gerrard Doctrine: How One Man’s Philosophy is Sweeping the Scottish Premiership

Zippy Zorbit08 mins

An exclusive look at the tactical revolution no one asked for, but everyone is apparently getting In a football world often obsessed with the complex philosophies of Pep Guardiola or the pragmatic discipline of a Diego Simeone, a new, unstoppable tactical force is emerging. Its origin? The brilliant, yet previously unheralded, footballing mind of Steven Gerrard….

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Donald Trump and Infantino in the oval office

“I Know More About Football Than Anyone, Probably The Best That Ever Was”: President Trump Vows to Personally Fix World Cup “Chaos”

Zippy Zorbit08 mins

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald J. Trump today declared himself the ultimate authority on international soccer, promising to personally oversee the 2026 FIFA World Cup to ensure it is the “safest, most winning, and most tremendous” tournament in history. The announcement comes just days after the President suggested he could unilaterally move World Cup matches out…

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