Ashley Young’s Pirouette Penalty: Everton and Manchester United Share the Spoils in a 2-2 Dance-Off

Yesterday’s clash between Everton and Manchester United at Goodison Park ended in a dramatic 2-2 draw, but the real headline wasn’t the scoreline -it was Ashley Young’s audition for Strictly Come Dancing. The veteran winger turned the penalty area into his personal stage, delivering a performance so theatrical it left fans, players, and even the VAR officials scratching their heads.

The incident occurred in the second half, with the game finely poised. Manchester United’s Harry Maguire, a man built like a brick wall with the turning circle of a double-decker bus, lumbered toward Young in the box. As Maguire’s meaty paw grazed Young’s hip -barely a nudge, more of a polite “excuse me” in a crowded lift -Young’s reaction was nothing short of spectacular. Legs akimbo, arms flailing, he executed a move that can only be described as a cross between a pirouette and a dying swan, collapsing to the turf in a heap of Oscar-worthy agony.

Referee Andrew Madley, clearly dazzled by the choreography, pointed to the spot. Manchester United players erupted in protest, while Everton fans roared their approval—until the VAR buzzed in like a disapproving dance coach. “Hold the music,” it seemed to say, as Madley went to the monitor. Replay after replay showed Maguire’s hand barely holding Young’s hip, yet the Everton man’s tumble suggested he’d been hit by a freight train. The decision? Penalty overturned. No foul, just flair.

Post-match, Young was quick to defend his acrobatics. “It’s not a dive, lads,” he insisted, adjusting an imaginary tutu. “I’ve been taking dance lessons, you see. When I felt Harry’s hand on my hip, muscle memory kicked in -it’s the cha-cha-cha instinct. One touch, and I’m off into a spin. Blame the salsa classes, not me!” When pressed on why salsa lessons were part of his training regime at 39 years old, Young winked and said, “Keeps me young, doesn’t it?”

Maguire, meanwhile, was baffled. “I barely touched him,” the United captain grumbled. “Next thing I know, he’s doing the Nutcracker in the six-yard box. I thought I’d wandered into a ballet rehearsal.”

The managers had their say too. Everton’s David Moyes, face redder than a tomato in a blender, muttered something about “modern footballers and their fancy nonsense,” while Ruben Amorim simply sighed, “Ashley’s hips don’t lie. (Pun intended)

The 2-2 draw itself was a footnote -goals from both sides were scrappy, forgettable affairs compared to Young’s one-man show. Everton fans left chanting, “Ashley’s got the moves like Jagger,” while United supporters grumbled about needing a defender who can tackle without triggering a dance routine.

In the end, the real winner was entertainment. Ashley Young may not have won a penalty, but he’s surely secured a spot on next season’s Dancing with the Stars. Watch out, VAR -he’s got a mean foxtrot up his sleeve.